Ho Ho Ho
by Stefani
Summary: [Slash Warning: Chris/Adam/Jay; Matt/Jeff; Shane/Shannon] Christmas shopping has never been this off the wall.


Ho Ho Ho  
  
By: Stefani  
  
Rated: R/Implied Slash and Incest  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own  
  
Distribution: Please ask  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
1/2  
  
"Hey Matty!" Jeff said bouncing onto his brother who was busily trying to get the last of the ornaments onto the Christmas tree that stood in the living room. Jeff had gone insane with the lights, and Matt was waiting for the airport to call and said it was a distraction to pilots. Not only the inside of the house was lit, but the outside has to blind at least three fourths of the drivers that passed by.  
  
"Jeff, watch it, see here, you almost broke the bulb!" Matt scolded as he set the final decoration on the tree. Jeff smiled and set his head on Matt's shoulder.  
  
"Is the Easter bunny gonna come tonight?" Jeff asked as he profoundly stuck his right thumb into his mouth. Matt let out a long sigh and dragged Jeff over to the couch.  
  
"Jeff. we've been through this. The Easter bunny would be too cold to bring you CHRISTMAS presents. And he couldn't go down the chimney. Who DOES go down the chimney, Jeff?" Jeff stared at Matt for a long time, the slurping sounds coming from his mouth were his thumb was firmly planted. Matt reached up and tried to pull it out, he had tried everything to break the habit. But all Jeff did was fight him, so he let him be.  
  
"Does Santa Clause ring a bell?" Matt said as Jeff nodded, "Now come on, we're meeting your friends at the mall." Matt instructed, "So I gotta get you dressed." Jeff jumped up and momentarily removed his hand.  
  
"Is Jay Jay gonna be there?" He asked with a wide grin.  
  
"Yes! And you and Adam better not torture the poor thing!" Matt warned, "Or you'll be in BIG trouble." Matt took Jeff's hand and continued pulling him down the hallway, Jeff slamming on the brakes so Matt had to stop.  
  
"Is Shan Shan gonna be there?" He asked with large eyes. Matt sighed again and continued dragging Jeff.  
  
"Yes, Shane and Shannon will be there. And if you and Shannon run around the toy store again pushing all of the buttons and throwing things at Jay. I WILL make you sit in the mall office with the security guard until I'm done." Jeff whimpered.  
  
"He was mean though! He yelled at me and Shannon, and hurt my arm." Jeff cried. They finally reached the bedroom and Matt threw Jeff on the bed, opening drawers.  
  
"Well, people aren't nice to bad boys, Jeff. Here, you want to wear these green pants and red shirt? So it matches your hair?" Jeff nodded happily and Matt set it on the bed, and came over and changed Jeff.  
  
"Hey Matty?"  
  
"What Jeff?" Matt said as he laced up the tennis shoes.  
  
"Is everyone coming over after we go shopping?" Matt removed the clip from his mouth he had put there to pin Jeff's hair back so it stayed out of his face.  
  
"I told you last night, Jeff. Yes, they're coming over for a Christmas Eve party. We're going to eat dinner and have a small get together." Matt pulled Jeff up, examining him a few times, before deeming him looking nice enough to go out in public, "Now go on and get some toys to keep you entertained in the car." Jeff ran off to his toy room, while Matt fixed up his hair. He ran back in with a large purple backpack stuffed with action figures.  
  
"Get your coat, it's nippy out." Matt said. Jeff groaned and went out, while Matt opened a drawer. He came back in with a large puffy white coat. Matt pulled his mittens on, along with a hat and scarf.  
  
"Can't breathe!" Jeff muffed from behind the large, cotton scarf.  
  
"You'll be fine, I don't want you sick." Matt slid his own leather coat on and got Jeff's bag as they walked out. He put the bag in the backseat and let Jeff get in, buckling him down and kissing his cheek. He got in the front seat and drove off.  
  
They got to the mall a while later, just on time. Even though Jeff had insisted they stop to have a potty break twice on the fifteen-minute trip. It took forever just to get a spot, as if every person in the state of North Carolina had waited until today to do their shopping. Matt had gotten Jeff most of his presents before hand, but there were a few other things he could get him. They walked in, after a fight to get Jeff to leave his toys in the car.  
  
Inside, everyone else was waiting for them. Chris had handfuls of both Adam and Jay's coats, who were trying to run for the arcade, but going no where. Shannon was sitting on Shane's lap complaining that he was bored.  
  
"Where have you been?" Shane said as Matt tugged Jeff in.  
  
"Jeff had to pee, twice." Matt exclaimed.  
  
"Jeff!" Shannon squealed jumping off Shane's lap and tackling Jeff to the ground. They both fell, and Shannon got up, Jeff rolling around.  
  
"Matt! I can't get up!" He said rolling about. Matt sighed and picked him up.  
  
"Ya bundled him up well enough!" Chris said.  
  
"Well, I didn't want him to catch a cold!" Matt replied as Shane jumped off the counter he had been sitting on.  
  
"Come on." He said grabbing Shannon's hand, "I don't want you to leave my sight!" He said sternly. Jeff clung to Matt's hip, while Chris was pulling Adam and Jay away from the video games as quickly as he could.  
  
"I TOLD YOU NO!" He said, quickly trying to catch up with the others.  
  
"How are we going to do this? I knew we should have just got sitters!" Shane hissed in Matt's ear, "I am not watching those Canadian runts!" Matt chuckled as Chris finally picking both Adam and Jay up at the hips and carried them away.  
  
"We'll be fine." Matt said softly back.  
  
"TOYS!!!" Jeff squealed as he ran into KB's with Shannon quickly behind him. Adam and Jay were fighting even more so now, and Chris finally released them to run in.  
  
"Okay, Chris, make sure they don't get arrested, I'm running into Camelot to get Jeff some CDs." Matt said, scurrying off before Chris could even argue. Shane made a beeline to follow him, not wanting to get stuck with the runts.  
  
"WHAT? Come back here!" Chris yelled, but it was too late. Jeff had an airplane and was zooming around with it, while Shannon was trying to rip open a box with a My Little Pony in it, and Adam was throwing balls at Jay.  
  
"Adam! Stop that!" He said. Adam looked at him, before taking off, Chris getting the crying Jay, and chasing after Adam.  
  
"Hey! Check this out!" Shannon said to Jeff. Jeff walked to where Shannon was, in front of a large stack of boxes, "I bet I can climb all the way up!" He said daringly.  
  
"No you can't!" Jeff said back.  
  
"Can too! Watch!" He said. Shannon grabbed the first and started climbing up slowly, until he was almost to the top. Jeff watched in amusement, before a few of he cardboard cartons started to tremble.  
  
"Shan. Shan be careful!" He said before they all fell, Shannon crashing down in the mess. In a flash, a sales guy was running over.  
  
"RUN!" They yelled and took off out of the store and running down the hall, giggling and catching their breath.  
  
"Uh oh. we're Matt?" Jeff said looking around in bewilderment. There were people everywhere pushing at them.  
  
"What's that?" Shannon said pointing to a store with bright colors. Jeff squinted at the sign with blurry eyes.  
  
"Spen. Spenc. Spencers." He said finally, "I wonder what that is?"  
  
"Let's find out!" Shannon said pulling Jeff in. They oohed at all the expensive looking glasses and lights, and fart machines.  
  
"HEY!" Jeff said pulling down a bottle of whipped cream, "It's pink!"  
  
"NO WAY!" Shannon replied, Jeff squirted him with it, pink fuzz hitting his coat, "COOL!" By this time, yet another pesky clerk had spotted them, and they were off again. They stopped, and Jeff looked dead ahead at the line of small kids.  
  
"Shannon." He said tugging at his friend as he pulled him towards the line, "Let's talk to Santy Clause! Matty says he comes down the chimney and gives me presents!" He said.  
  
"YEA!" They got in the line, which was quick, and soon they were at the font. They got strange looks from some mothers, who pulled their kids closer, but Jeff and Shannon just continued poking fun at things. Finally they were at the front, and before they could be stopped, they both leapt onto the old man's lap.  
  
"Hey Santa!" Jeff said with wide eyes, "Why ain'tcha in the North Pole?" He asked. The old man looked at the two of them with confusion.  
  
"Yea! Shane says that tonight you're going to come down my chimney, but you look too fat to fit." The old man coughed, and looked worryingly at a few of he elves who just shrugged.  
  
"Well young. men. what would you like for Christmas?" He asked daringly, almost afraid to have asked.  
  
"WELL, I want a new whip for Matt, he likes it when I hit him with it, and the strawberry lube was very yummy!" Jeff quickly blurted out.  
  
"And I want a new dirt bike and a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs."  
  
"And I want a new coloring book with naked people in it!"  
  
"And I want some new hair dye!"  
  
"And I want a new thong!"  
  
"OH can I have a vibrator? Shane says they feel really really good. But it'd have to be quiet or else he'd get mad because Shane don't like much noise."  
  
"Security!" An elf yelled, just as Matt and Shane were coming out of the store with large bags. They looked over and exchanged glaces.  
  
"Shit!" Shane yelled running over and grabbing both, Matt blurting out a million apologies. Shane had a firm grip on both Jeff and Shannon's ears and were pulling them away as they screaming and squealed, Matt doing all the talking.  
  
"What did I tell you? I said BEHAVE and what do you do? You do that? And I don't even WANT to know why Shannon has pink whipped cream on him, JEFFRY! And do you even know WHERE Chris and Adam and Jay are? Why didn't you stay in the toy store?" He lectured.  
  
"Because the clerk guy chased us out!" Jeff protested. Matt's eyes filled with rage.  
  
"We're finding Chris, and we're going home." Matt said, "And both of you are going to sit in separate rooms all evening!" Jeff and Shannon's eyes filled with tears, Matt intent on not loosing his upper hand. He spotted Adam sitting in the middle of a hallway with his arms crossed. Matt ran over.  
  
"Where's Chris?" He asked, trying not to sound to upset. Adam narrowed his eyes.  
  
"He's having sex with Jay. I KNOW IT, he said that he was helping Jay try clothes on, but I know what they're doing!" Matt sighed.  
  
"What store are they in?" He asked. Shane was dragging Jeff and Shannon over by their ears still, which were becoming a bold color of red.  
  
"Hot Topic." He said, Jeff's eyes widening.  
  
"HOT TOPIC!" He yelled. He kicked Shane in the shins, Shannon following suit. They took off, Shane on their tails. Matt picked Adam off and ran off as well. It was minutes before Jeff ran in, his eyes going wide. Someone at the front desk smiled, knowing their biggest customers just came in.  
  
"Hey Matt!" He said, not even acting odd as Jeff started pulling everything off the racks, or recognizing that Matt had a grown man slung around his waist.  
  
"Hey." He said out of breath, "I'm looking for my friends. blondes."  
  
"OH, they're in the dressing rooms, got about a million outfits." Adam took off and began banging on the door loudly. Matt sighed as he was presented with a large pile of outfits.  
  
"I want them all." Jeff informed him.  
  
"And why should I buy you anything? After those stunts you pulled?" He said. Jeff stuck out his lower lip and waited for tears to form.  
  
"Because you love me. and I have a chain thong in there!" He added after a moment. Matt rolled his eyes and set it all on the counter. The changing room door swung open and Chris came out with Jay, and a bunch of clothes, Adam looking up with upset eyes. Chris sighed, and took Adam by the hand.  
  
"Come on, we gotta get going home." Matt just handed over his credit card, it taking fifteen minutes just to ring everything up. He still didn't know how Jeff could get all of that so quickly. Matt pulled Jeff out the back door, and they planned to all meet at his house in twenty minutes.  
  
2/2  
  
The ride home was silent. Jeff was running through some of the clothes he had gotten, knowing he shouldn't piss Matt off anymore. He had really got him mad this time, but at least they were faster then the people this time and didn't get thrown out of the mall again. He wondered if Matt really was going to make him sit in the bedroom during the party. And Jeff didn't dare ask to stop to go to the bathroom. They got home, and Jeff jumped out and ran in, Matt gathering all of the things and following him in.  
  
"Jeff!" He yelled before Jeff could get far, "Come here." Jeff slowly tip toed over, with innocent eyes, "Go sit in the time out chair until they come. And if you're good I won't make you sit in the room." He pulled off all the winter clothes as Jeff slumped away. He sunk into the dining room chair that was in the corner that Matt made him sit in when he was bad. He knew not to push it.  
  
And Matt was happy because this gave him time to clean up. He put the last of the presents under the tree, which was overflowing with things as it was, and he still had four boxes in the basement of things. He picked up all the toys and put them in their crates, fixed up the tabletops, and set out his CDs. He had cooked the day before. There were baskets full of cookies, and all the food in the refrigerator.  
  
Matt warmed up the food and filled glasses up, carefully carrying things to the dining room. He was pleased when he walked in the dining room to clean up, to see Jeff hadn't budged. He set the table, seeing he had about five minutes. He put final touches, before allowing Jeff to get up.  
  
"I promise I'll be good." Jeff vowed as Matt sighed.  
  
"You better be." The doorbell rang and everyone came in, having arrived at the same time. Jay was clinging to Chris, Adam sulking with Chris having his shoulder sternly held. And Shannon's head was bowed, signifying he had been given a punishment as well.  
  
"Hey, I have the table set. you can go ahead and sit down, I'll get the drinks out." They smiled, and Matt turned the stereo on lightly and went in. Jeff scooted his chair close to Matt, trying to look more innocent then he was. Shannon was looking up scared at Shane, while Jay insisted he ate on Chris's lap, and Adam pouted. They ate quietly, Jeff and Shannon were too scared to say a word as it was.  
  
"I have to go potty." Shannon said softly as he stood up and pushed his chair in. Shane watched him, tempted to go after, but didn't.  
  
"Jeff, you want some more ham?" Matt asked softly. Jeff nodded no and spooned at his mashed potatoes. Chris had to spoon feed Jay, who wore a slick smile from his special treatment. Adam was staring at them for a while, his pout turning into anger. Finally, he threw his fork into his potatoes, a little bit splattering everywhere, and stood up.  
  
"THAT'S IT!" He yelled. He yanked Jay off Chris, who landed on the floor, and before Chris could even move he jumped on his lap, and gave him a long kiss right there. Jay looked up from the floor, and blinked a few times. Chris stared back at Adam.  
  
"Adam, what do you think you're doing?" Chris said calmly. Adam looked at Jay, and grabbed Chris's hand, pulling him down the hallway with all his strength.  
  
"Hey! What do you think- aahhhhh!" Shannon yelled as there was a thump in the hallway. Shane jumped up and ran to look, seeing Shannon in the hallway trying to desperately zip his jeans up.  
  
"They kicked me out! And now they're." Shannon leaned his ear against the door, "Now they're having sex!" Jay heard that and came running from the dining room, pounding on the door, now causing all hell to break loose.  
  
"CHRIS! CHRISSY! My toosh hurts!"  
  
"Jay! Ohh God. sweet fuck. Jay, hold on! Oh dear Jesus." Meanwhile, Jeff stared at Matt at the dinner table.  
  
"Am I excused?" He asked softly. Matt sighed and nodded, while Jeff started to run off. He was no farther then the kitchen door, when he ran back and swiftly leapt onto Matt giving him a big kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Love you." He said running back off. Matt stood up and started to clear the table, until Jeff came back in a few moments.  
  
"What is it Jeff?" He asked, his hands full of dishes. He set them at the sink and turned. Jeff's hands were buried in their pockets, and he was staring at the floor, "What Jeff? Where's everyone at?"  
  
"Well. Adam and Chris are in the bathroom, and Jay's pouting. And I don't like to play with Jay any ways. So I went to look for Shanny, but he and Shane's in my playroom and says I can't come in." Matt stifled a smile.  
  
"Come here, I'll let you open a present before tomorrow. I'll even let you play with it tonight." He said with a sly grin and leading Jeff into the living room. He searched under the tree, coming out with a box in bright gold wrapping. Jeff took it and made short work of the wrapping paper, squealing in delight.  
  
"Ohhhh Matty! A new whip! How'd you know?" He squealed, "Santa told ya didn't he?" Jeff said. Matt smiled and kissed him softly.  
  
"Yea, Santa told me, come on now. We gotta go break it in." Jeff smiled and leapt onto Matt.  
  
"Merry Cwissmas, Matt." He said softly.  
  
"Yes, yes. Merry Christmas to you, too." 


End file.
